![]() 'If I'm not depressed and I'm on and I can focus, I can think through something hard and without interpretation and without existential emptiness that comes from depression'. 'One of the manifestations of my depression is that I lose my will - and thereby the ability to focus'. Maddow knows it's coming on when she can no longer detect certain smells but that doesn't mean she gets through it easily. The book reveals her battle with depression. Growing up in a Catholic family near Oakland, California, Maddow said she blindsided her parents when she came out as gay (pictured in a 1990 high school yearbook photo) Before working in television she landed odd jobs as a bike messenger, bucket washer at a coffee bean factory, yard help, landscaping laborer and handyman.I'm a big lesbian who looks like a man', Maddow says Maddow credits her devoted partner of 20 years, artist Susan Mikula, with pulling her out of the suicidal feelings.Author Lisa Rogak describes the host's upbringing in the book Rachel Maddow: A Biography, to be published by Thomas Dunne Books on January 7, 2020.Growing up in a Catholic family near Oakland, California, Maddow said she blindsided her parents when she came out as gay.Despite her years of professional success, she still experiences the depression that she has suffered her since she was a child.Rachel Maddow, 46, is the first openly gay woman to host a prime time news show with the Rachel Maddow Show on MSNBC.EXCLUSIVE: How Rachel Maddow - who came out by posting flyers in her Stanford dorm, worked as a bucket washer at a coffee factory and is a fan of monster truck rallies - became the first openly gay woman host of a prime time news show
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